It is a slow and intentional morning. I'm feeling very introspective, and reflective. I woke up slow, got ready slow, moving through the day Very slow. I'm even moving slow as I write this journal entry. I sat next to the heater naked in front of the big picture windows. Just watching the mountains, watching the sun slowly rise into the sky, slowly sipping a cup of black tea. I cleaned myself one limb at a time with wipes, using the dry brush, being very intentional with caring for my one body in this lifetime, giving Thanks for it. Every movement and action requires attention, effort, intention, gratitude, and more when you are fasting in a 10x10 ft. Off-grid cabin in 15° weather!
But it has and continues to reinvigorate within me, the desire and intention I have had for so long to live more simply and intentionally as I move through this life- slow down more, be closer to nature, connect with like-minded individuals, do the healing work, honor God in everything, use less, waste less, walk gently upon this earth, In all ways.
It's incredible how little one actually needs to feel whole in this life. I can't wait to manifest my dreams of an off-grade lifestyle. It shows me it will be work but it is possible and it is so worth it!
Yesterday showed me that I am healing some deep wounds but that the work is far from over. I have so much more to do. My biggest wounds and traumas include my childhood- and probably some generational and karmic- abandonment wounds... Decided by the fates and my soul in the 5d but compounded by my birthparents, parents, and every romantic relationship I have ever had. Woven deep into that tapestry are issues of self-worth and being deserving of love, and being able to trust and be vulnerable with another human being. And yet, my soul yearns so deeply for connection, for love, for vulnerability. I want to open my heart to the infinite possibilities of love! Yesterday, I learned that even though I am okay to be alone, the great difference is that I have created walls all around me that have made me so deeply lonely, and that loneliness is actually keeping me from connecting, keeping me from the deep healing work that I am here to do. I must continue to reach out to family, close friends, classmates, and continue to create deep, intentional, vulnerable relationships with them. I must continue to break down walls and open my heart before it is too late.
That is my prayer- great spirit, allow me to be open! Open to love, open to healing, open to vulnerability, open to deep and rich connection. May I never allow fear to keep me from dwelling in these great and important spaces.
