Last night was frigid- a low of -3° from what I could tell and I am in a non-insulated 10x10 ft cabin surrounded by snow and ice! There is no running water, a compost only toilet, one small solar panel for energy- this place is completely off grid! Plus, I had the tiny little heater that can't even keep up with the cold all around it run out of propane at 8:00 p.m. last night! The poor care keepers! Here I am at night having them come out into the freezing cold to fix it! They graciously did so. However, it was a little too far gone with the freezing temps, and I slept underneath eight full blankets just trying to stay warm! Haha! I know that the point of all this isn't to be comfortable… it is to test my limits and see just how much I can actually tolerate. The fast, the cold, the isolation- it is all meant to push me further. But I am anxiously awaiting the sun and the day regardless! I keep hearing animals all around us but so far I've only seen wild turkeys and one really friendly local dog! Oh! But I did see a huge herd of big horned sheep in Glenwood Springs when leaving the hot springs yesterday- maybe 12 of them- so that was really cool.
I have always been a very prophetic and vivid dreamer. Last night the most intense dream came to me. I was in a class like I imagined the Los Lobos retreat to be with the Four Winds Society. I was surrounded by mostly women healers learning to hone their skills. Marcella was there. And so was one of the Q'ero Elders- or at least that's who I imagine him to be... The teacher of our teachers and a very, very wise man, with great vision and skill. I was introduced to him and as a sign of respect I bowed to him and touched him simultaneously on each shoulder. As I did this, there was a massive surge of energy from me to him and a bright white explosion of light that only him and I seemed to be able to see. The master seemed overwhelmed and shocked by this exchange, temporarily keeling over and becoming overtaken by emotions. He immediately excused himself from my presence and the groups. In the hours that followed this, the great master kept himself locked away in his room, having private discussions and meetings with many of the leaders and teachers in our group. I just kept pacing the floor- so so so scared that I had hurt him or done something wrong. No one would speak to me or tell me what was going on. There was hushed talk all around me but I was being avoided at all costs, until finally I stopped one woman to ask, “please, tell me what is going on!” She said he was deliberating with the teachers and the ancient ones, but that they may have many big asks of me in the near future. There had been a sign. Would they make me a master practitioner, would I study under him? I didn't think I wanted or deserved any of that. A while longer passed and the next thing I know, one of the lead teachers has me in advanced level trainings. Testing me on all the "rules and techniques of shamanism " that I had never learned, and quite frankly, didn't see the purpose in. I just kept fumbling around clumsily making a fool of myself! If they had seen something in me, I definitely wasn't proving myself now! This is where the dream ended. I see many important themes and messages within this dream...
Not knowing or embodying my true power.
That my healing wisdom is ancient and strong, but needs remembering and believing in.
A fear from past events that I will hurt people or people will hurt because of me, and being terrified of this!
Being true to myself and following my own intuition with regards to how I heal and what "rules" exist for my practice.
Doing what intuitively feels right for me. I don't need approval from anyone!
